The Appalachian Trail 1 comment
The Appalachian Trail (& Other Lies)
by John Molino
Rated: Ridiculously Sublime
Â
When the story broke about South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, I thought how bad it would be to be a guy who really did go hiking last week on the Appalachian Trail! To make matters worse, suppose this poor schmuck actually got lost for a day or so, stretching his planned weekend away.
He finally gets home and, instead of a relieved wife, he finds himself face-to-face with the June 2009 equivalent of Evita Peron.
By now, you know Governor Sanford’s story. This is a guy who John McCain seriously considered as a VP choice and who has been mentioned as a 2012 GOP presidential hopeful. Now, however, his long-lasting contribution to American history will be that he is singularly responsible for “hiking the Appalachian Trail” becoming a euphemism for marital infidelity.
Knowing that you are an astute observer of the American political landscape, you may have asked a question for which I have no answer. I have no idea why anyone would notice that the governor of South Carolina was missing after only five days.
What could have been needed in South Carolina that somebody noticed the governor was AWOL? There was no hurricane; no need to call up the National Guard. You’d have to assume that he knew there were no bills to sign, no beauty queen to crown, and no pigs to grease. Maybe he was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a Charleston River Dogs game. Seems strangely appropriate; don’t you think?
Sanford is only the latest in an ever-growing list of politicians who have been exposed for their extra-marital, sexual behavior. Sure, it’s been a bad streak for Republicans, but the Democrats have had (and will have) their turn. The pendulum swings from the political left to right and back again.  You don’t need a great memory to recall Senator John Ensign, Governor Eliot Spitzer, Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig, Governor Jim McGreevey, President Bill Clinton, Congressman Newt Gingrich, and, of course, Governor Bill Clinton. Push your recall button and you may remember the troubles of Congressman Barney Frank, Congressman Ed Schrock, Congressman Gerry Studds, and even the politically sainted John F. Kennedy. Oh, yeah, and let’s not forget his kid brother, Senator Teddy who, thus far, is the only one of this crowd whose behavior is linked directly to the death of “a woman, not his wife”.
And this list is hardly complete. Throughout our history (and the history of nations of the world), political leadership has been an uncontrollable aphrodisiac for many men.
The question isn’t “What were they thinking?” Rightly asked, the question is “What were they thinking with?”
Some are self-righteous; others are hypocrites. Still others are simply arrogant jerks. This is why it is so hard to feel sorry for these Bozos who forget the lesson of people who live in glass houses.
Decades ago Army General Creighton Abrams advised that the higher you go up the flagpole, the more your butt sticks out. A lesson all leaders – political, religious, and otherwise – should heed.
Here’s a more direct rule to live by: ninety-nine times out of a hundred, a “good idea” that is accompanied by an erection is probably NOT a “good idea”.
© John Molino, June 2009
28. June 2009 at 7:53 pm :
Now to make matters worse, Lindsey Graham feels that Sanford should be allowed to finish out his term in the same way that Bill Clinton did. To my knowledge, at least Clinton was available to answer the red phone while he was, well, you know.
It doesn’t help that Graham is Sanford’s relative. Maybe he is worrying about having to loan him a few bucks until the book deal and the religious epiphany occurs.
Maybe the NIH should study the lack of the morals gene in anyone who pursues a high political office.